Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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