im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
