Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
