I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
