so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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