Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
