How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
