Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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