well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
