There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
