Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
