Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
