Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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