Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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