talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
