i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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