i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
