yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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