eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
