he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
