I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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