you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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