i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
