I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap