White coat. Heels.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty