6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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