wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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