I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF