Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.

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(978): Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war. http://tfl.nu/fra3

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(914): View more from New York

Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?

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(914): Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later? http://tfl.nu/xxzo

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(502): View more from Kentucky

so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done

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(502): so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done http://tfl.nu/tthp

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.

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(215): he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out. http://tfl.nu/9ic8

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.

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(732): Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know. http://tfl.nu/fesa

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.

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(401): Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically. http://tfl.nu/4j6y

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(407): View more from Florida

Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.

(1-407): View more from Florida

Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.

(407): View more from Florida

Bro? You just made it a target.

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(407): Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy. (1-407): Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far. (407): Bro? You just made it a target. http://tfl.nu/0hg2

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(407): View more from Florida

Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.

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(407): Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition. http://tfl.nu/erlj

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(419): View more from Ohio

The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever

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(419): The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever http://tfl.nu/s7ex

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(740): View more from Ohio

Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.

(1-740): View more from Ohio

When in doubt always reply with bacon.

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(740): Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon. (1-740): When in doubt always reply with bacon. http://tfl.nu/8s4u

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(917): View more from New York City

SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!

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(917): SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME! http://tfl.nu/punt

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.

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(570): You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road. http://tfl.nu/405b

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(859): View more from Kentucky

You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.

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(859): You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy. http://tfl.nu/r8h1

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(614): View more from Ohio

Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"

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(614): Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10" http://tfl.nu/nudo

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(913): View more from Kansas

This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.

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(913): This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for. http://tfl.nu/vkxq

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