I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
