I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
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come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
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And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic