after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!