My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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