I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
