Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
