Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
