Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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