I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
