There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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