I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
