On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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