mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
