I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
