So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
