thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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