the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
