Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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