the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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