You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
