Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
