So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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