I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
