i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
