I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
