so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
