it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
someone owes me an orgasm
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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