I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
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i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
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There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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