I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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