There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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