Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
