people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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