my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
