is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
