I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
