There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
