Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
