ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I forgot how hot balto sounded
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
