dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
