Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize