dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
