You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
